“I’m not gonna worry
I know that You got me
Right inside the palm of your hand
Each and every moment
What’s good and what gets broken
Happens just the way that You plan
But You’re here
I know I can trust You
Even when it hurts
Even when it’s hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You
Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul
Healer of my scars
You steady my heart”
‘Steady My Heart’ – Kari Jobe
This song has been my prayer the past 100 days and I pray that it will continue to be my prayer for the rest of my life. This song came to my attention pretty early on in my adventure in a time where I was questioning the God of the universe whether or not I had made the right decision to come to Kenya. (Crazy, I know)
Missing Texas, missing family & friends; I wondered if this was really gonna be my new home… But then my dad reminded me that no place on earth will ever feel like “home” since this earth is not my home. I remember, before coming here, how tired I was of the typical Flower Mound lifestyle. Constantly running around & always feeling the pressure to look like I just stepped out of the hair salon or ‘hoity toity’ boutique. I didn’t want to be a part of that style of living anymore. In saying those things, I recognized the fact that not even my ‘home’ was the ideal, comfortable place for me at that time.
We, as humans, have this idea that America will always be home & no matter what stage in our lives we’re in we will always be comfortable there. When really, the only place we’ll ever feel at home is with our Father who has prepared a home that we will never grow weary of being in. Praise Him for that truth!
The song ‘Steady My Heart’ reassured me of those truths in my above statements. The fact that I don’t have to worry about where I am, what I’m doing, simply because He has me in the palm of His mighty, powerful hand.
I’ve never lived a day, that I can recollect, where I didn’t know that Jesus died for my sins, rose to show that my debts were actually paid for, loved me more than my earthly parents ever could, and lived in the freedom of knowing I have a perfect, sinless Savior fighting for me daily – and knowing that He has my life in His hands and is establishing my steps everyday still amazes me beyond measure.
Too many people don’t realize the struggles & trials you encounter when becoming a missionary in a 3rd world country. Looking back, I knew little what trials I was yet to face and what experiences would come my way. There were SO many times where my heart did hurt and I’d just fall apart. But God showed nearness to me by giving me this song to pray through and listen to the beautiful lyrics of this song.
By the grace of God, I’ve now been in Kenya for 100 days. Thinking back to all the nights that I thought “I don’t know how I’ll make it by tomorrow..”, I now see how providential the Lord has been to grant me patience & peace. He is good and only does good. (Joel 2:21)
My biggest prayer going back home will be that my relationship with the Lord will grow even stronger than it has during my time here. I know there’ll be many times of frustration and confusion while I’m “gettin’ back into the swing o’ things” (as we Texans say) But I’ll continually be pleading with Him to grow me in those times of uncertainty.
He is my righteous stronghold and I pray that I wouldn’t stray from His fold due to fear & anxiety of what’s to come in the near future. (Nahum 1:7)