Wow, please forgive me for my lack of writing lately! Life back in the states has been as busy as it usually is; maybe even busier due to my three jobs. My circumstances as of late are undoubtedly keeping me on my toes, but the Provider has provided and I must be grateful.
While everyone else in suburbia has settled into rhythms and adjusted to routines, I’m still trying to not forget the last year of my life. Oddly enough, I find it’s a shockingly easy thing to do with all these first-world distractions swimming about my head. Like the times I biked around the outskirts of Berlin and could hardly form a prayer because ‘what is life?’ was all I could think; or when I hiked to an extremely undiscovered, remote village in the highlands of Papua New Guinea with friends I’d met only months prior; and how could I forget returning to my second home and catching up with friends which I hadn’t seen in three years?
But when I’m driving around and making plans and shopping at Whole Foods, it’s as if it never happened.
I have no doubt that the statement I just made may sound zany; even if it is, nonetheless, it’s true. Unless you have walked in someone’s shoes, you cannot authentically know how they feel or how their situations have affected them. Though I am blessed with a handful of friends whose experiences align with mine, when others whose don’t but try to act as if they “get it”, my impatience glides right in the way and I just want to forget about it and shut up.
Imagine taking a trip to the Vatican and the only vise you possess to capture its ornate and intricate beauty is a disposable film camera from Walmart. It would obviously have no chance at adequately relaying what you physically saw in person. What the Lord has allowed me to see, witness, and learn is honestly hard for me, the one who endured it, to fathom; how could I, after all? I’ve been taken on an adventure beyond my imagination.
One of the issues with being me is that if I don’t have hours (at least) to explain in full the greatness of something and the remarkable details embedded within it, I practically give up. I don’t fancy partial story-telling or being restricted by time, space, or what have you. I’ve been so spoiled and blessed by Eastern-Time-Zone lifestyle; having unlimited time and availability to say what deserves to be said. But since I am now in a Western zone, I have got to switch my brain. Essentially, I have to get over myself.
Harsh? Maybe. But necessary. Life, no matter how much Satan strives to convince me otherwise, is not about me. And as a follower of Jesus, especially, I am compelled to live out that belief.
So, if you run into me purchasing groceries or sipping coffee at a regularly frequented shop and my words are few, I apologize in advance. I am in no way justifying my lack of extraverted-ness, but simply trying to be honest about the difficulty I have with briefly explaining this journey I’m on as just “fun”.
How could something so great be described in such few and simple phrases?
I hope this is making sense.
Frankly, I am asking for grace. I am an imperfect human; I want to outdo others in honor, and sometimes that is just hard. BUT, that is no excuse; His grace has covered as far as the east is from the west. He has made me a new creation and I’ve got to live like that!
On top of all that crazy, I’m writing a book. So, blog posts will be more scarce in the near future.
Thank you, readers and pals, for the encouragement and support you so fervently dish out. I am grateful for a blessed life and the privilege to write about!